Poket Full ove Woshintuns

My manager at work needed one dollar bills for the register, so he sent me to the bank with 300 dollars. The bank that Qdoba uses is nowhere near the store, so I was going to my bank and making a personal transaction with the money. If PNC Bank knows that I am getting the money for a business, then they will refuse to exchange the bills. I know this because I was sent to do this once before while wearing my uniform, they asked a lot of questions, and I couldn't make the exchange. So now I have to go into my own bank "undercover". First of all, I have to come up with a character. Why, you ask? Because I get a little lonely sometimes, and because it's just more fun this way. So I go with a brief talking, frat boy approach. I chose the frat boy persona b/c I am perfect at it due to the year of my life I spent living in a fraternity house and also because it pertains to the excuse I'm cooking up. See, now i have to come up with a reason for going to the bank on a saturday afternoon asking to make an exchange for 300 ones. And what else, but... a bachelor party. Who's getting married... my brother, because he exists and because he will probably be the only person to read this. Which is why its being blogged. I make it obvious that I'm concious of how broad my shoulders are. My teeth stay consistently clenched in order to create a more jagged looking jaw. I have one hand in my pocket. I try to look past people when I talk. I touch my pectoral muscles, at least 10 times a minute. My voice mutters and is deep. I try to put a grogy filter to my voice to simulate a hangover. I'm subtle like that. I'm locked into this guy. I would give him a name but because this is a bank I need to use my real one.
Game time. <--Exactly how a frat boy would say it !
I walk in. The bank is empty. I say to the teller I need this in ones. He asks how much. I say 300. He says we can only do 200. I say ok. He gives it to me. He never asks if i have an account here. I stand awkwardly for a moment. He looks back at me. I say my brother is getting married next week. He nods his head. I then proceed to walk out naturally, but because I'm thinking about looking natural, I know for a fact I look really ridiculous.
The only thing more awkward that day was on the way back a homeless guy asked me for money and I had to tell him I had nothing on me.
I learned something from this. Saturday mornings should be for cartoons. And nothing else.

Men Are Wearing Skirts and Cars Are Giving Birth.

Hysteria!
The Economy!
God Help Us ALLLL!!!!

I stopped on the street corner today, just to take a look around me. Plus the "Don't Walk" sign was flashing and I didn't want to risk it. Not in this town. Not during THESE times. Everyone is a just a little bit too ready to snap on each other. And our imaginations are getting the best of us. While on the street corner, I tuned into a fella's conversation that held the topic of "the US dollar is going extinct". Which is so true. In the last year alone Lincoln AND Hamilton poachings have nearly doubled! Too many Burrs and Boothes these days i guess. A couple walked past me talking about the presidential debate that went on last nite while drinking their Barrack Obama supportive Seven Eleven "Seven Election" Campaign Cups. Which if they were true supporters, they'd be drinking their coffee black! Hey OH! Count it! Its a pun, they are fun!
Aaaand back to life...
So here is what is scary, to me, about everyone's panic: The number one, most dangerous thing about the economy slipping; is that we know about. Example- I work at a mexican restaurant. A woman asked for guacamole today. I told her it costs extra. Her response, "It costs extra?! Things are awful right now! I can't beleive this. How you gonna charge more for guacamole? I mean Guacamole! We in trouble. The whole world in trouble. Guacamole..........I don't even know what guacamole is." Touche madame.
First of all... the world is not going to shit. America is not the world. Yes, things could be better. Yes, it would be nice to have a president (i will not call Bush our president like Spike Lee won't admit he's a racist). And Yes, given how good the economy was in the 90's, at this point American businesses could probably hire someone to hold up their "Now Hiring" signs. But I'm not panicing. I'm not. So what if Bush is looking at the end of his term the way a grade schooler watches the clock on the last day before summer break. I slack off sometimes too. Maybe not for 8 years straight though. At this point I'm just gonna stick to my rountine. Which consists of spectating. I suggest we all do the same. If you're good enough you might just find yourself spectating the spectators.

The Face of the Earth

Every. Single. Day. This Guy. He's OK. So far.

So I'm gonna pitch a little insight to everyone about my manager. He did something today. It was actually something he said, but it made me think.
A young indian woman walked in today as soon as we opened. Her accent was thick. She approached my manager and asked if we were hiring. I work at a restaurant. A chain. I've worked at this particular store for two years. The "Now Hiring" sign has never left the window. Somone quits everyday cause it sucks to be there. We are always hiring. And yet... my manager looks this girl dead in the face and says "We are not currently looking for new employees at this time". BULLSHIT! Because I'm looking for new co-workers, that don't call out and make me stay hours after my shift. This isn't the first time he's said this to certain people, but this chick was different. She fired back. She just directly asked my manager if it was because of her culture and how she spoke. Yikes. So now I'm on the edge of my seat. But I'm standing, so I'm just kinda leaning forward awkwardly. I'm also wrapping cookies in plastic wrap. So, my manager (the robotic procedure ass that he is) assures her that we are an equal opportunity employer and are proud of the diversity that the restaurant displays. And then he extends his hand toward the kitchen to present us like a car show. Let me draw a visual for you... Everyone is black except me! I am the diversity! And of course as soon as he "presents us", her and I make eye contact. And at that moment we connected on the same level of hatred for this man. I feel like he thinks a huge productive stride in civil rights was being sustained by whites and blacks working side by side at Qdoba MEXICAN Grille.
Needless to say, the girl left without an application and my manager was soooo proud of himself.
I don't get it. Businesses. Corporate companies that use the "trickle down" effect on their staff are illusionists. Magicians. David Copper Field of Lies! Once you see it, you're momentarily impressed. And then you kinda feel sick. And then you rant.
But the food is Delicious!

Move Over Film Criticizer People

Woo Hoo! My first post is a movie critique. Hey-Oh!!! Fours years of film school all leading up to this moment. Bitchin.

So I saw a movie by myself this evening. Don't ask me why I was alone, sometimes we all just find ourself there. The film was a pre-screening, and I hadn't even heard of it before I was given an invite to the screening. It's entitled "Role Models", comedy starring Paul Rudd, Sean William Scott, and Christopher Mintz-Plasse (Or McLovin for those of who didn't realize he's actually a human being and not a muppet). Here's the run down first: Paul Rudd and Sean William Scott are spokesmen for an energy drink and go around telling kids to not do drugs and drink their energy drink instead. They run into some trouble and get sentenced to 150 hrs of mentoring a couple kids. They have their ups and downs with the kids and eventually wind up in a big epic LARPing battle to finalize the story somehow. Naturally.

Ok... This movie doesn't suck. I promise. Just don't go see it. Comedically this IS the movie: Gay joke, sex joke, Random Fellini reference, gay joke, gay sex joke, white guy calls himself white, appropriate Spinal Tap reference, gay joke, McLovin's awkwardness, aaaaaaaand SEX JOKE (just before the credits role).

Nothin too heavy for you kids this time around. If you feel as though you wasted your time by reading a movie critique that told you nothing critical, then you have taken the first step on the long long long journey of understanding a ˆpretentious prick.