Loooooong Over Due

So its been a while. A lot has.
As some know, I dabble in stand-up comedy. I had a really fun rant about Philadelphia Phillies fans and how hopeless they are about their team. I never got a chance to actually perform it. And this past October the Phillies won the World Series, so it's deemed useless. I remembered as much as I could and wrote it down. It won't have the same novelty of me on stage raging and freaking out but it's still worth a read:

Phillies Fans – They’re team could be losing 8-1 and someone would still find hope in it, “At least it wasn’t a shut out.” The score could be 13-0 and some dude would still say somthin like, “At least it wasn’t a no hitter.”
The game could be a shut out, no hitter, down by 30 runs and pouring rain outside. The Fanatic could, for some reason, be ripped apart and spread across the field like jelly on toast, The dug outs could randomly be filled with pop rocks, for some promotional thing, which reacts with the rain and creates an explosion that kills a bunch of the players which magically triggers a candy onslaught making it rain skittles and you think for a moment this is a miracle, but you underestimate the hard tack of skittles as they penetrate the skulls of infants. Which is why you shouldn’t bring a baby to a baseball game! And Britney Spears was suppose to sing the national anthem but she got drunk and too pregnant, while the guy in charge of pyrotechnics (it's his first day) lights the fireworks off early which makes it appear like we’re celebrating this genocide of the modern athlete, and one of the fireworks goes rogue and lights the whole field on fire because... little known fact: the fanatics blood is made of gasoline!!! The whole park is burning down! No one can get out because the escalators aren’t working and God forbid anyone uses the steps in this fuckin town!!! It’s mass hysteria and imminent doom and I swear to Hell somewhere in the stadium a guy will turn to his buddy and say, “At least it’s dollar dog night.”
No! The Phillies are all dead! That's a misfortune and you should Recognize!!!!!!!
Basically, I guess what I’m trying to say is, the Eagles will never win the super bowl.

Men Are Wearing Skirts and Cars Are Giving Birth.

Hysteria!
The Economy!
God Help Us ALLLL!!!!

I stopped on the street corner today, just to take a look around me. Plus the "Don't Walk" sign was flashing and I didn't want to risk it. Not in this town. Not during THESE times. Everyone is a just a little bit too ready to snap on each other. And our imaginations are getting the best of us. While on the street corner, I tuned into a fella's conversation that held the topic of "the US dollar is going extinct". Which is so true. In the last year alone Lincoln AND Hamilton poachings have nearly doubled! Too many Burrs and Boothes these days i guess. A couple walked past me talking about the presidential debate that went on last nite while drinking their Barrack Obama supportive Seven Eleven "Seven Election" Campaign Cups. Which if they were true supporters, they'd be drinking their coffee black! Hey OH! Count it! Its a pun, they are fun!
Aaaand back to life...
So here is what is scary, to me, about everyone's panic: The number one, most dangerous thing about the economy slipping; is that we know about. Example- I work at a mexican restaurant. A woman asked for guacamole today. I told her it costs extra. Her response, "It costs extra?! Things are awful right now! I can't beleive this. How you gonna charge more for guacamole? I mean Guacamole! We in trouble. The whole world in trouble. Guacamole..........I don't even know what guacamole is." Touche madame.
First of all... the world is not going to shit. America is not the world. Yes, things could be better. Yes, it would be nice to have a president (i will not call Bush our president like Spike Lee won't admit he's a racist). And Yes, given how good the economy was in the 90's, at this point American businesses could probably hire someone to hold up their "Now Hiring" signs. But I'm not panicing. I'm not. So what if Bush is looking at the end of his term the way a grade schooler watches the clock on the last day before summer break. I slack off sometimes too. Maybe not for 8 years straight though. At this point I'm just gonna stick to my rountine. Which consists of spectating. I suggest we all do the same. If you're good enough you might just find yourself spectating the spectators.