Loooooong Over Due

So its been a while. A lot has.
As some know, I dabble in stand-up comedy. I had a really fun rant about Philadelphia Phillies fans and how hopeless they are about their team. I never got a chance to actually perform it. And this past October the Phillies won the World Series, so it's deemed useless. I remembered as much as I could and wrote it down. It won't have the same novelty of me on stage raging and freaking out but it's still worth a read:

Phillies Fans – They’re team could be losing 8-1 and someone would still find hope in it, “At least it wasn’t a shut out.” The score could be 13-0 and some dude would still say somthin like, “At least it wasn’t a no hitter.”
The game could be a shut out, no hitter, down by 30 runs and pouring rain outside. The Fanatic could, for some reason, be ripped apart and spread across the field like jelly on toast, The dug outs could randomly be filled with pop rocks, for some promotional thing, which reacts with the rain and creates an explosion that kills a bunch of the players which magically triggers a candy onslaught making it rain skittles and you think for a moment this is a miracle, but you underestimate the hard tack of skittles as they penetrate the skulls of infants. Which is why you shouldn’t bring a baby to a baseball game! And Britney Spears was suppose to sing the national anthem but she got drunk and too pregnant, while the guy in charge of pyrotechnics (it's his first day) lights the fireworks off early which makes it appear like we’re celebrating this genocide of the modern athlete, and one of the fireworks goes rogue and lights the whole field on fire because... little known fact: the fanatics blood is made of gasoline!!! The whole park is burning down! No one can get out because the escalators aren’t working and God forbid anyone uses the steps in this fuckin town!!! It’s mass hysteria and imminent doom and I swear to Hell somewhere in the stadium a guy will turn to his buddy and say, “At least it’s dollar dog night.”
No! The Phillies are all dead! That's a misfortune and you should Recognize!!!!!!!
Basically, I guess what I’m trying to say is, the Eagles will never win the super bowl.